A cute cafe in Canterbury, Kent
In a paper that reads almost as freshly as something written in 2009, Snow et al. (1991) argue that women's interpersonal strategies to reject men's advances in single's bars follow the principle strategy of "cooling out." "Cooling out" had its beginnings in the lexicon of criminal fraud. A mark, having been conned was then interpersonally massaged by the con artist so as to compensate for any humiliation and loss of face resulting from being duped. Irving Goffman, an interactionist theorist whom I would like to say I know more about, suggests this term and therefore interpersonal strategy can also be applied to any social domain. Such as, for example, rejection strategies at single's bars. Reading through Snow's systematic description of avoidance tactics, deferent lines and defensive tactics, I was struck by how closely these align with my contemporary experience. I was not in singles bars in 1991. But these depictions did not seem so far off my own experience. Even more excitingly, they support some observations I made while observing the college social scene in the last 5 years.
Now for the connection with bathrooms. In an amazing collision between a few of my interests, I stumbled on a couple of paragraphs in this paper in which Snow et al. point to the bathroom as a critical locus for these social interactions at singles bars. The investigators note that the bathroom was a good place to get detailed accounts of cooling out strategies, especially if the interaction directly preceded the move to the bathroom. Duh. You go to the bathroom to lose some guy, and then you laugh at him with your friends while you reapply your makeup, all the while comforting yourself about the fact that his unattractiveness does not reflect on your own desirability. Right?
Furthermore, Snow et al., while noting the consistent flight to the bathroom as the most common form of a "duck out" cool out, also mentions Cahill et al. (1985) who suggest the sex-segregated nature of the bathroom reaffirms gender differences and encourages gender solidarity. This retreat into an all-female world is so interesting to me. Is it always true that the bathroom is a safe space? The bathroom has all sorts of contradictory connotations for me. It is a space for bodily narcissism, reapplication of war paint, gossiping, bitching, self-affirmation, social bonding, drug use, even illicit sex. It's such a rich and interesting and marvelous space to engage with. I wonder how this space functions differently in a unisex bathroom? Or in a gay club?
